


only up when you're not down

by awesomeaislin



Series: Carry On Countdown 2018 [8]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: DEC 02 - Family, Fluff, Just fun fluff, M/M, Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 19:24:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16816903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awesomeaislin/pseuds/awesomeaislin
Summary: Simon has to write an essay about what family means to him. Baz and Penny are little to no help.





	only up when you're not down

**Author's Note:**

> idk it was nice to write this

‘What does family mean to you?’

That’s what we’re meant to write this essay on. For this completely stupid first year english class that I can’t opt out of. 

So what does family mean to me? I don’t have one. I mean not that I know of. I’m sure I came from somewhere, but the where is unknown. So I don’t have a family. 

It’s not like I’m unloved. I have Penny. I have Baz. People care about me and look after me (and make sure I eat something other than butter every once in a while).

I try to think about this little makeshift family we’ve made here. It’s hard. It’s not that I don’t love them. It’s not that I don’t love it here. It’s not that this isn’t home. It’s not that this doesn’t mean everything to me. But it’s hard to put your finger on a feeling and say, yes that one, that’s it. 

This shouldn’t be as hard as it is. This should be so easy. I should get an A in this class without trying. Baz would get an A in this class without trying. Penny would get an A in this class without trying. 

“Has your brain fried from overuse, darling?” 

Baz is home. (Think of the devil and he shall appear.) He’s being mean, but he’s smiling and he’s using pet names. Dating Baz is one huge confusion of feelings. He’s always mocked me. I’ve never enjoyed it before. 

I stand up and grab onto him. I bury my head in his shoulder. “I’m never gonna finish this essay,” I mumble into his shirt. 

He presses a kiss to my forehead. “Need help?”

“It’s not that kind of essay,” I mutter. “It’s a personal essay.”

“What about?” 

“Family.”

He pulls away and gives me a withering look, “You know you could get out of that right?”

“I can?”

“Yeah,” He chuckles. “The email writes itself: “Dear professor, I cannot write this essay because little did you know I am an orphan. Please feel sorry for me and give me a 100 for literally no reason. Thanks, Simon Snow.”

I push him back and frown. “Seriously, love, you don’t have to write this if you don’t want to.”

“I shouldn’t use my poor luck to get pity points,” I shake my head at him. 

“Still such a hero,” He rolls his eyes. I pull him over to the kitchen table and sit down in front of my essay again. He sits down next to me. 

I just sit there staring at my computer for what must be ten minutes because Baz interrupts, “You’re really never going to get this done if you don’t type anything. Don’t you have a plan? An outline?”

“I never use an outline,” I tell him. 

“No wonder it took you eight years to defeat the humdrum.” I push him again. 

“I can’t do this with you mocking me.” I give him a look, and he stands up. “I didn’t mean leave,” I frown. 

“I’ll still be in the room, someone needs to make you food,” He laughs at me. 

“Will you make scones?” I pout even though I don’t have to. He’ll make me scones, and then make fun of me when I eat all of them. I think it might be half the reason he knows how to make scones, so that he can also spend half his times thinking of scone related insults. 

He just rolls his eyes, and goes to make me food, and I keep staring at my laptop and not typing anything. 

I even consider his ‘just don’t do it’ approach. I must be very desperate. 

Penny ruffles my hair as she goes to glass of water. “You need any help, Simon?”

“Oh haven’t you heard, Bunce?” Baz says while he stirs something together. “Snow, can’t finish his essay because he doesn’t know what family means to him, but he also won’t ask the professor to let him not do it because he’s our ever present hero.”

“Always with the last names,” She rolls her eyes. “Seriously, Simon, you don’t have to do this essay.”

“I can do this essay,” I tell them because I can. Of course I can. I’ll just write down some words, and the teacher will give be a grade. 

“Then prove it,” Baz goads me. He likes to get me into a fight. I think he just likes to complete. 

I start typing just to annoy him. I’m not typing any words. Just typing. Penny rolls her eyes, and I can tell Baz is grinning internally. 

“The closest thing I have to a family is probably Baz and Penny. Penny’s pretty nice, but Baz is a bit of a git, the end.” I say aloud. 

“Perfect,” Penny laughs as she retreats back to her room. 

“Ok, Snow, keep talking like that and I’ll just throw a little bit of poison into your scones,” Baz says. “Then we’ll see who’s laughing.”

That’s when I start actually writing my essay because I think I get it. 

What does family mean to me?

To me family is Baz laughing at me, but baking me scones either way. 

Family is Penny throwing flour at Baz and nearly crying laughing when he complains about her ruining his expensive scones. 

Family is seeing someone at their lowest, and still coming back the next day to spend time with them. When I have an off day and Penny sits on the sofa reading aloud to me all day, and Baz buys me a hot chocolate and wipes tears from my eyes. 

Family is being frustrated and yelling at them, and they aren’t afraid to yell at you, and sometimes you’re angry and they’re angry, but then you remember who they are and who you are, and this isn’t going to matter in 10 minutes, or 10 weeks, or 10 months, or 10 years. So you stop and you say sorry, and they say sorry, and you know it will be ok. 

Family isn’t all genetics. Family is here. Family is home. 

  
  



End file.
